If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon
                                          [Johannes Brahms, 1833-97]

Yes, it does kill brain cells - but only the weak ones.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried!

Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

... Technology:  Once you can afford it, it's out of date.

I haven't committed a crime.  What I did was fail to comply with the
law.
   - David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he
     failed to pay his taxes.

Only someone who understands something absolutely
can explain it so no one else can understand it.
        -- Rudnicki's Nobel Prize Principle

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
      with brightly colored machine tools.

God is not dead, he just moved to a better neighborhood.

TV -- You can feel it suck out your brain

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

You speak of beer, you speak my language  -- Al Bundy

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the
top.
-- English Professor, Ohio State University

George Burns: Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar
and a good woman ... or a bad woman; it depends on how much
happiness you can handle.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a
Rolls-Royce today would cost $10, get a million miles to the gallon, and
explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

